My First Misadventure in Online Dating

His screen name was King Louie.  

That should have been my first clue.  

What kind of person chooses King Louie for a handle?  

Ladies, when you are exploring the world of online dating, pay attention to strangeness in any form.

(Made by me on Pixton.com)

As an idealistic 18-yr-old, I didn't pay any attention to numerous clues that the gentleman I was corresponding with was a little bit odd.  

We met in the parking lot at Denny's and I tried to stifle my shock and horror upon my first glimpse of him in real life. Awkward would be a compliment.  Bizarre is too strong.  He was somewhere between the two.  (And he didn't look very much like the man below.)  But his voice was unusually loud and I felt conspicuous as he prattled on about things I didn't wish for the whole restaurant to hear.  

(Made by me on Pixton.com)

Then, when he produced his personal set of clubs and golf balls for a mini-golf game, I felt that the date had moved a little outside the boundaries of what I considered normal.  And then it got weirder.  While he was waiting for his turn to play, he sat on the grass and worked on braiding a friendship bracelet on his ankle.  (I guess technically that would be a friendship anklet.)

Then we ran into some friends of mine.  I was mortified.  My friend picked up on the "odd factor" immediately and when we got a moment in private she expressed confusion about my choice of a date.

King Louie had a great time and continued to call me afterwards, but I was able to convey my lack of regard appropriately and he eventually stopped calling.  I've completely lost contact with him now and haven't seen his profile anywhere in the past 15 years that I've been on and off various online dating websites.  

I genuinely hope he met his true love and that they are compatible in all 29 areas - including a love for loud talking in public places.  I can picture them right now sitting on their couch, watching TV, and braiding friendship bracelets on their ankles.  I truly hope that's what happened.  

Or maybe our short-lived "online relationship" burned him on online dating for good and he hasn't yet met his true love and he has turned to blogging.  And maybe he's out there searching new blogs right now and he is about to run across this one, 

and even though I tried to change some of the details to make it less obvious, he might figure out who I'm referring to and he'll know who I am and I'll get a little comment letting me know he's still single, he's worked out a few oddities in the past 15 years, and he would like to take me out (but not for a date).

(Made by me on Pixton.com)