Introducing My Blog!

Hello world!

Welcome to my new blog where I hope to talk about the problem of singleness and the Christian community.

If you didn't know there was a problem please feel free to read this first.  Or this. Or this. These are some great insights on the problem, how it developed, and what is being done about it.  Which isn't much.  

I also hope to share some humorous stories from my long history of relationships that weren't meant to be.  I have so many tales to tell from my online dating misadventures to visiting awkward singles groups to meeting amazing or crazy guys in real life.  

I'm convinced I hold the record for the longest-running online dating profile.  Ever. (Please don't contact any of the Christian dating sites to ask who is their longest-standing member - I'm sure it's me.)  I was trying online dating before most of you were born.  (Ok, that was probably an exaggeration since I just started this blog and I have no idea if anyone is even reading it, let alone how old you are.)  But, regardless, I am 33, (quickly approaching 34!) and feeling more and more like an old maid every day.  So that practically makes me your grandma.  (Oh wait...I've never been married and don't have any kids so I could hardly be anyone's grandma...I guess I could be your great aunt.)

I was only 18, though, when I first gave online dating a whirl.  I wouldn't say I was old enough to be desperate.  Gullible maybe.  And definitely adventurous.  I had heard a great promo on the radio for Eharmony and their new-fangled, computer-based compatibility matching that helped pair couples on 29 different dimensions of their personalities that usually resulted in divorce for other people. Or something like that.  

But I lived in a small town and online dating sounded like a great way to snag a date... until my first experiment turned out to be a disaster.

But I'll write about that in a later post.

For now I would just like to introduce my blog and what I hope to talk about on here.  

One thing I really hope to shed some light on are what kinds of comments bring Christian singles the most pain.  I really think it stems from fear or confusion on the part of well-meaning folks who want to try to fix something that seems wrong and doesn't make sense to them.  Especially people who married young and have not yet walked the road of singleness in their adult life.  They often like to offer advice or suggestions from their own experience, not realizing that they are heaping blame and shame on Christian singles.  For example, the two most common offending statements are:

"When I finally stopped searching on my own and gave it to God, I met my wife"  

OR

"When I finally put God first in my life, then He gave me a husband"

I don't mock these experiences.  They are obviously very real for the people who had them and I respect the roads they have walked, but these scenarios are not some kind of "magic pill" that can be prescribed to all Christian singles.  Our God is not a cookie-cutter God.  He is so personal and the journeys He has for each of us are unique and designed for our particular good.  When we stop believing that we can fall into discouragement, depression, or hopelessness.  

What happens if one of these people loses their spouse to a fatal disease or a tragic accident?  Will they blame themselves and question what they did wrong?  

These statements imply that Christian singles haven't surrendered as much to God as those who are married.  But we know that isn't true and sometimes the opposite is the case because many singles have been tested and tried in the fire of suffering (because, for those who desire to be married, singleness can feel at times like suffering).

Singleness isn't usually the fault of the single person (although sometimes it is).  It's a season of life. We all experience it at some point and for some people it lasts their entire temporal life on earth. Other people enter and leave this season numerous times throughout their lifespan due to personal choice or things completely outside of their control (such as death or a divorce that was not their fault).

I am a missionary and there are some benefits to being single and in ministry (there are also some difficult challenges and I long for a spouse to share the stresses of ministry with).  Some of the people I have respected most throughout my life have been single Christians (some who are still living as well as those who are currently with the Lord) who poured their lives into serving God and other people.  

But even though I have deeply respected these single warriors, I have always had a strong desire to be married myself.  I have wanted to be married since I was about 15 years old.  Maybe younger. And I have loads of single Christian friends who feel the same way.  Sometimes we think we aren't doing enough on our part to pursue it and so we do things to try to step out and meet more people.  We try online dating or visiting different churches or singles groups.  We go through seasons where we just entirely give it up to God, accept it, forget about it, and move on with our lives.  

But what do we do when our desires go unmet year after year after year?  How do we respond when our experiences constantly fail to match up to our longings?

This is a blog about life.  About suffering.  About reality.  It's also hopefully going to be a place where I can preach to myself to keep pressing on in the battle, especially when I'm faced with discouragement and hopelessness.  And I'm hoping to encourage others out there because I have enough single friends to know I'm not the only one who shares these thoughts and feelings and sometimes we just like to hear other people articulate our shared experiences.

This world is not our home.  We are just passing through.  And one day, if our lives belong to Jesus, He is going to make all of this confusion clear for us.  But right now we need to press on and walk by faith and not by sight.